I don't know the OP from Adam so I'm not gonna start a fight or anything though

[yvannairie]

"being non-binary means anyone who's attracted to you is gay by definition" I mean. To be entirely real, anyone attracted to me is actually more like straight by definition and specifically "straight queer" by extension of that reality.

Like even just from an assimilation-neutral perspective, I need cis gay people and binary trans monosexual folks who flirt with me to really realise they can't project their preferred gender on me to retain their "gayness". That they can't binarise me for their own comfort. That they're going to have to embrace that sometimes difference is an inherent part of queerness, that treating all queerness as an extension of some kind of homophilic ideal is at best passively misgendering me.

And let's be real -- straight cis people who flirt with me don't fucking see me as the same as them, lmao. The straight cis people who do flirt with me have an easier time accepting my categorical difference and yet sharing in a sense of belonging with me than gay people who feel the need to re-gender me to validate their attraction to me.

(granted, the post I'm pulling this from is apparently a nonbinary anon saying this to another trans person, but even in that case I want to remind people that nonbinary is not a "middleground" gender.)

Comments

[palominocorn]

My personal rule is (or would be, I don't date), since I'm male, female, and agender, anyone attracted to me is automatically attracted to at least three genders, which makes them some form of m-spec. I will consider not dating straight OR gay people for this reason.

This is born out of leftover resentment from the "SSA and trans" exclusionist days, but damn, the mental gymnastics people will go to for the sake of their homonormativity is really something. TBH when people identify as gay, I don't automatically distrust them, but I am more wary than I would be around any other queer identity, because of stuff like THIS. Too many of them want to fit the world into neat categories, gay vs straight, whereas folks who ID as queer are far more likely to be accepting of fluidity and overlap and grey areas and people with confusing identities.

(Another iteration of my rant about people insistently calling me "gay" omitted.)

[silvernheart]

i don't have anything really to add, just. /gestures wildly at this comment
pretty much said everything i wanted to say but better.

[grayestofghosts]

People are generally not great about these things and it's so awful how many people have ossified about it. Then again saying I'm a male lesbian who dates other men quickly identifies the gender cops.