I still maintain that people are the root of all evil

Like, tbh, maybe it's just that I've always been very bad at maintaining a consistent image in the eyes of others (which makes me feel like I'm some kind of an. Inherently deceptive person) but I'm always more comfortable engaging social dynamics of... any kind in a fictional setting. I'd rather have a million ships that explore the intensity of various emotions rather than have those experiences in person -- and not just the bad ones.

I go back and forth whether I'm "traumatised enough" to call myself aplatonic (there was some minor pushback on that word being casually thrown around by people without heavy interpersonal trauma, but then again I tend to also yell about how acting like "trigger" == "traumatic panic attack" instead of covering a wide variety of symptomatic responses was a bad direction to take the conversation after shitheads started using that word to mean "offended") but I definitely just don't like emotional intimacy that much. I'll engage in it as a favour to the other person, but for my part I'm perfectly comfortable not being "fully" understood as long as that's a conscious stance both of us are taking.

My dislike of "false intimacy" is so intense I'd rather not engage in any intimacy at all, tbh.

Yet I like living those experiences vicariously! I spend nearly as much time exploring the depths of positive emotions as I see other people (and myself) exploring the depths of negative emotions. And I feel like that might give people the wrong idea about me as a person.

IDK.

Lots of things I'm realising I either don't know or have convinced myself I totally knew.

Also -- WTF!!!

I don't even fucking care about spoiling my stories b/c fact is most of the people who engage my more... journal-y, meta-y writing don't exactly go for the type of stories I write

and I've been stuck in the process of explaining my own stories to myself for about two months instead of. Really. Writing???

So why is it that I still feel like I can't use my own fucking writing diary to talk about my writing???

Someone give me permission to drop character, please.

Tbh in my case it's more accurate to talk about "taste in percussion" than "taste in music"

Anyway y'all

I forgot how fucking hard the OST to Metal Gear Rising fucking goes, and how much of it is Very Much Wrecker Material.

Top picks are "I'm My Own Master"

"Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance OST - I'm My Own Master Now Extended" (Watch on YouTube)

"A Soul Can't Be Cut"

"Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance - A Soul Can't Be Cut Extended" (Watch on YouTube)

and "The War Rages Within"

"Metal Gear Rising Revengeance - The War Still Rages Within (Lyrics)" (Watch on YouTube)

with a Honourable mention that "A Stranger I Remain" is very much an IDW!Arcee song.

I don't listen listen to metal/industrial but this is like the one exception that will get me hype Every Instance.