Oh boy.

[yvannairie]

You know that Popular Tumblr Post that is like... "I suck at conversations and stop talking to people beacuse I don't think I have anything interesting to say, please don't think I'm ignoring you or that you bore me"?

I've reblogged it myself in the past but these days seeing it always annoys me a lot because... well, on a personal level, I don't find it to be true for me anymore. More often than not, if I'm not talking to someone, it's because I feel like they're not enjoying talking to me, maybe due to their lackluster responses or because I feel like I'm repeating myself/boring them.

But furthermore, as the person that post is ostensibly aimed at... I mean, if it makes you feel better about yourself, cool, but simply being aware of the problem and posting apologetic self-reassurances isn't going to make me feel any less like you don't like talking to me.

I'd take someone who repeatedly tells me "I'm sorry I have nothing intelligent to add, but this is really cool" over someone who's like "haha yeah" and just... "lets me talk".

Comments

[cimorene]

But even if it's not true for you anymore, surely the fact that it's true for other people is sufficient reason for it to be going around. The post doesn't presume that everyone shares their issues with communication - in fact it supposes that many or most people aren't like this and that explaining the thought process might help them understand. It's also likely not intended to speak for anybody who could easily, or at all, bring themselves to simply say "I'm sorry I have nothing to intelligent to add but this is really cool". What it's describing seems to be a pretty common scenario for people with various kinds of anxieties and social anxieties, and they may well find themselves too anxious to continue speaking frequently. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are sufficiently paranoid to assume the worst when this happens, but that's not a reason for shy and socially anxious people to not attempt to offer this kind of disclaimer as long as it will eventually help someone navigate a relationship.

[yvannairie]

I know. That's why this post has an "uncharitable" tag -- because that post wouldn't exist if it didn't speak to a common anxiety. Hell, I know personally that it speaks to a common anxiety.

But this is me venting about how much vagueposts like that, posts not explicitly aimed at anyone but implicitly expected to adress a common grievance with certain patterns of beiavour, give me anxiety because now every time it starts to depress or piss me off that people are leaving me hanging, it turns into guilt because almost invariably I've seen them vague about how hard it is to keep up conversations because of anxiety. Seeing any post where the vague implication is "and therefore you shouldn't be mad about this thing" is bad for my OCD, and I need somewhere to be able to express those feelings.