Long Week Redux
Saturday, 6 April 2019 16:37![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yvannairieConfrontation with friend: dealt with. And, like, it's interesting how it going exactly as I thought it would just reaffirmed for me that I have figured it out. They took it bad, they said some things, one of those things crossed a line, and while I'm not proud of it, I did say my piece about exactly that thing crossed the line.
Now the next step is to not overanalyse the way they may have taken what I said, because... frankly, that's on them. This is a collaboration, and I need to let go of the idea that I can keep making this situation turn because that has always been an illusion when dealing with other people. If I have, for years, been able to find the ways my behaviour contributed to the situation, then... frankly, they probably can do it, too, just by observation.
And the big part, the part that is an issue, the part that really caused all of this, is their inability to broach topics by themselves and their inability to be active. I have now closed off myself as a resource, and I explicitly told them they need to unpack this with someone else and come to me when they have a solution. If they close themselves off, that's not gonna happen -- so their only other option is to step up. It's really scary, straight-up closing myself off from being able to affect their thought process on this, but I've also been so wrong that I would just perpetuate a cycle of unhealthy communication if I didn't. The consequences of that are on me and... frankly, I am okay with that. If they don't understand my meaning, I'm okay with that.
Despite that, I do have hope, because while my friend has a really bad case of anxiety moron brain, they're not a stupid person by any stretch. Immature, yes, but also mature, intelligent, observant, and capable of shocking empathy that confuses and delights me.
Now the next step is to not overanalyse the way they may have taken what I said, because... frankly, that's on them. This is a collaboration, and I need to let go of the idea that I can keep making this situation turn because that has always been an illusion when dealing with other people. If I have, for years, been able to find the ways my behaviour contributed to the situation, then... frankly, they probably can do it, too, just by observation.
And the big part, the part that is an issue, the part that really caused all of this, is their inability to broach topics by themselves and their inability to be active. I have now closed off myself as a resource, and I explicitly told them they need to unpack this with someone else and come to me when they have a solution. If they close themselves off, that's not gonna happen -- so their only other option is to step up. It's really scary, straight-up closing myself off from being able to affect their thought process on this, but I've also been so wrong that I would just perpetuate a cycle of unhealthy communication if I didn't. The consequences of that are on me and... frankly, I am okay with that. If they don't understand my meaning, I'm okay with that.
Despite that, I do have hope, because while my friend has a really bad case of anxiety moron brain, they're not a stupid person by any stretch. Immature, yes, but also mature, intelligent, observant, and capable of shocking empathy that confuses and delights me.
