Bitter complaining about popularity and discoverability

[yvannairie]

So recently I made the mistake of looking through the main tag for Xenoblade 3 on Tumblr and realising that it doesn't even go back far enough to show some of my favourite meta I've written for it, meta that I've been occasionally reblogging because I think I did a good job with it, and today I compounded on that mistake by looking at the revamped reblog graphs for my posts and discovering they're literally almost entirely just me circularly reblogging from myself, and while I realise that writing on Tumblr has never been as popular as art has been, I'm just... deeply discouraged by the realisation that if I want people looking at my writing, I need to constantly be putting myself on the front page of the main tag in the most attention-grabbing way I can to even have the hope that people will go then look at the other stuff I've written that I have several pages of, now, ignoring all the self-reblogs

and....

like

what is the point, y'know? I don't want to keep writing stuff just to write stuff if I have nothing to say when I've got plenty of good topics I'd like to discuss. I don't know if there's even an audience out there, or if I'm literally just at the point of rambling to myself. I don't know how to entice people into coming to talk to me, IDK if it's the topics I choose or the way I write or what, I just feel lonely and ignored even though I'm trying to put effort into providing entertainment for the rest of the fandom instead of just entertaining myself. I do that plenty on private venues like Discord. If I'm doing something in public, I'm not above admitting it's for attention.