D:< why must everything be hard!!!!

Went around playing Pokémon Go and ran across an EX-raid while I was just trying to find some Zangoose so I could level my partner Pokémon up.

Had to awkwardly explain that while I'd be interested in raiding with them once I reach a high enough level to do that, I couldn't join their Discord yet b/c I don't have a Disco account tied to my IRL identity :')

(Also realised that I need to come up with a PoGo nickname that points neither straight to my IRL identity or my Greater Online Identity, because otherwise I'm gonna be stressing out about my privacy while being out trying to have fun.)

(Came home b/c I was almost out of battery and then made the mistake of looking at the "local Pokémon" tab and wanted to cry b/c there was a Snivy about ~15min walk away. I want one!! Serperior is like my favourite Grass type starter!!)

Oh-- c'mon, I was having a good day!

Emotional backprocessing has me wondering if I'm capable of having healthy relationships to people with anxiety at all or if unhealthy people are invariably going to have unhealthy relationships.

(Seriously, me wondering how on Earth I managed to spend five years in a stagnant relationship where the other person was lit up with so many red lights I hardly talked about myself to her by the time we broke up has so far not really done anything except make me feel way worse about my social skills in general.

If there's a happy medium between "not being so candid that other people start to instinctively try to appease you" and "being so hands-off other people start acting like your hard emotional boundaries are merely suggestions", I don't fucking see it. There doesn't seem to be a healthy way to talk about other people's feelings without becoming presumptious, and there doesn't seem to be a healthy way to talk about my feelings without becoming suffocatingly egotistical.

I'm so tired, I'm honestly done with the concept of human relationships.)