It's not even a lack of motivation, it's just....
Thursday, 1 August 2019 20:26![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yvannairieI'm so down on my writing.
I don't even particularly want to list or publicly talk about the fics I'm working on right now, despite all of them being pretty exciting, because I've just been getting hit with that "everything you like is trash"/"most things you like aren't worth the attention" that I start suffering any time my self-esteem dips. I like them, but I like them with a kind of... "and me alone" caveat attached.
I've also been rereading over the stuff I've pitched at my friends and I'd love to be either turning that into fic, or at least turning that into fic pitches, but I have an awful time telling if they're actually good or if I just enjoyed the response they got out of my at-the-time audience that I read well into beforehand. I'm stuck trying to figure out how to format them without the benefit of the chat format, and a realtime interface to create suspension through the way I speak -- reinterpreting them into a format where the reader can take their time is the hardest part of creating engagement for me.
All my other ideas are for original works, and most of them are script-based and... I don't know. I feel like I'm stalling, I feel like I'm losing my inspiration, I feel another four-year writing hibernation coming on and I genuinely thought those were just the result of being depressed, unmedicated and lacking in meaningful relationships to inspire me.
I am also depressed because most of my friends are busy with other fandoms, while I'm just. Clinging to this one with bloody fingernails because it is literally such a font, and I haven't felt this way since Xenoblade X or, hell, Nanoha.
And maybe next year will be easier when the new Netflix cartoon starts coming out and people have had their time to mourn the comic that just recently ended and there's more distance to the whole thing, but right now I'm stuck tilling fields that, despite the effort and the seeding, remain barren.
(And I can't even say that "I don't even know what is up" because I deeply know what's up.)
I don't even particularly want to list or publicly talk about the fics I'm working on right now, despite all of them being pretty exciting, because I've just been getting hit with that "everything you like is trash"/"most things you like aren't worth the attention" that I start suffering any time my self-esteem dips. I like them, but I like them with a kind of... "and me alone" caveat attached.
I've also been rereading over the stuff I've pitched at my friends and I'd love to be either turning that into fic, or at least turning that into fic pitches, but I have an awful time telling if they're actually good or if I just enjoyed the response they got out of my at-the-time audience that I read well into beforehand. I'm stuck trying to figure out how to format them without the benefit of the chat format, and a realtime interface to create suspension through the way I speak -- reinterpreting them into a format where the reader can take their time is the hardest part of creating engagement for me.
All my other ideas are for original works, and most of them are script-based and... I don't know. I feel like I'm stalling, I feel like I'm losing my inspiration, I feel another four-year writing hibernation coming on and I genuinely thought those were just the result of being depressed, unmedicated and lacking in meaningful relationships to inspire me.
I am also depressed because most of my friends are busy with other fandoms, while I'm just. Clinging to this one with bloody fingernails because it is literally such a font, and I haven't felt this way since Xenoblade X or, hell, Nanoha.
And maybe next year will be easier when the new Netflix cartoon starts coming out and people have had their time to mourn the comic that just recently ended and there's more distance to the whole thing, but right now I'm stuck tilling fields that, despite the effort and the seeding, remain barren.
(And I can't even say that "I don't even know what is up" because I deeply know what's up.)
