Interestingly enough, I had a realisation at therapy today that I don't really consider the people I set out to have a fix-em-up attitude to really truly be my friends, because that sense of "people will start resenting you if you try too hard to change them" is so strong. So, if I set out to have a relationship based on "this person is miserable and I want to Do Something about that", I'm a lot more open to that relationship ending and more willing to be quite casual about my own participation in it, as opposed to people I make friends with because I want to spend time and enjoy their company.
It's that second kind of friendship I feel just... keeps fucking failing on me, the type I go into wanting to Be Their Friend, rather than just wanting to have a relationship that is beneficial to that other person, so maybe the problem is that I still don't know my own needs or how to really have them fulfilled, so I end up giving people conflicting information and everything falls apart.
Oh and we also talked about the bad relationship that triggered this all and a lot of it is tangled up in my sense that I'm responsible for my behaviour even if I didn't intend it to turn out the way it did and oh look at that we're back to speech and why it's hard because consequences.
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Date: 18/6/19 13:06 (UTC)It's that second kind of friendship I feel just... keeps fucking failing on me, the type I go into wanting to Be Their Friend, rather than just wanting to have a relationship that is beneficial to that other person, so maybe the problem is that I still don't know my own needs or how to really have them fulfilled, so I end up giving people conflicting information and everything falls apart.
Oh and we also talked about the bad relationship that triggered this all and a lot of it is tangled up in my sense that I'm responsible for my behaviour even if I didn't intend it to turn out the way it did and oh look at that we're back to speech and why it's hard because consequences.