I feel this. Some of the most harmful things said and done to me have been done on the basis of "I'm trying to avoid harm (to myself)" which Sure Is Fun because if it were me having caused that harm, I'd be going out of my way to acknowledge that my intentions do not change the effects and consequences of my actions... But you can't really make a statement like that about others without feeling like you're imposing.
Similarly, when I think about the things I've said to people that to this day I think they needed to hear... None of them are particularly nice. My bread and butter is telling people to stop being a fucking sadsack and have some perspective. I'm not nice, and I won't say nice things to people if it's their own damn behaviour and attitudes causing harm.
And it's just... Being as prepared for causing harm as I am, because I CANNOT let comforting lies stand, it has never worked, anytime I think "I can make this work, they don't have to change, I'm being too hard on them" things have gone to hell... Being as ready to understand that my demands are high and people WILL have to deal with being uncomfortable with me, is not a fun feeling, because ideally being friends with someone shouldn't be hard. Life might be, but your people shouldn't be.
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Date: 17/6/19 03:10 (UTC)Similarly, when I think about the things I've said to people that to this day I think they needed to hear... None of them are particularly nice. My bread and butter is telling people to stop being a fucking sadsack and have some perspective. I'm not nice, and I won't say nice things to people if it's their own damn behaviour and attitudes causing harm.
And it's just... Being as prepared for causing harm as I am, because I CANNOT let comforting lies stand, it has never worked, anytime I think "I can make this work, they don't have to change, I'm being too hard on them" things have gone to hell... Being as ready to understand that my demands are high and people WILL have to deal with being uncomfortable with me, is not a fun feeling, because ideally being friends with someone shouldn't be hard. Life might be, but your people shouldn't be.