I've been for years trying to shake the idea that just because I don't particularly gear myself up for openness and intimacy with people, my relationship with them (and what intimacy happens in that relationship) isn't "fake". That being restrained and feeling things incrementally and at a low intensity doesn't make them not-important, because for other people the experience of not being able to be close to people is distressing, and I have a lot of other stuff I've thought of as perfectly normal but that have actually been Not Normal, and an example of me pushing myself to ignore my discomfort until I forget it exists.
It's... a balancing act, in my head -- I don't want to validate stuff that's Clearly Wrong but that I might not recognise as wrong because truly, I don't know WTF being "comfortable" is for the most part, but I also don't want to demand "normative" behaviour from myself just because I technically don't have any traumatic barrier to it.
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Date: 22/4/19 16:14 (UTC)It's... a balancing act, in my head -- I don't want to validate stuff that's Clearly Wrong but that I might not recognise as wrong because truly, I don't know WTF being "comfortable" is for the most part, but I also don't want to demand "normative" behaviour from myself just because I technically don't have any traumatic barrier to it.