Fair, but I think I'm hard on myself for a reason. Like, me being bullied did actively turn me into an abuser for a hot minute there, and I don't like shying away from it. Yes, it was me, I was fucking awful, I don't get to talk around that even now when I've improved as a person. The harm I did isn't mine to handwave away, especially not because I haven't talked to my victims in years and don't know how they're coping.
But it's important for me to see that what I became was, on some level, my failure. It wasn't because I had an easily victimisable set of traits, because other people with similar easily victimisable traits hadn't turned out fucked-up like I did, and didn't deserve their bullying and abuse despite those easily victimisable traits.
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Date: 15/10/21 12:04 (UTC)Fair, but I think I'm hard on myself for a reason. Like, me being bullied did actively turn me into an abuser for a hot minute there, and I don't like shying away from it. Yes, it was me, I was fucking awful, I don't get to talk around that even now when I've improved as a person. The harm I did isn't mine to handwave away, especially not because I haven't talked to my victims in years and don't know how they're coping.
But it's important for me to see that what I became was, on some level, my failure. It wasn't because I had an easily victimisable set of traits, because other people with similar easily victimisable traits hadn't turned out fucked-up like I did, and didn't deserve their bullying and abuse despite those easily victimisable traits.