>>And I'm starting to wonder if the word "overshare" means something else to most people, because I've also seen people use "overshare" to mean "discuss their emotions and experiences to *any* degree".
I think it might be a response to a different trauma. I feel like in my experience queer people are often told "ew, TMI, nobody wants to hear that" whenever they say anything about their queerness, even when a cishet would have easily gotten away with saying an analogous thing about their own sexuality or gender.
(every once in a while I brush up against a group of straight people discussing whom they find hot, and it's like, holy shit! you guys are, just, casually talking about what you find sexually attractive?! and nobody shuts you down?!?!)
I struggle with this a lot, with distinguishing what *is* oversharing, from what *ought not be considered* oversharing but *will* be by my biased audience, from what my audience is fine with. And of course--making things more difficult--different audiences vary in what they're fine with.
(Neurodivergence makes this *worse* for me, because autism means I generally cannot tell when someone is giving me a Look: the best I can do is be intellectually aware that this is a situation where people are going to Look at me (and I won't know if that intellectual awareness is wrong! if I think an audience is hostile and it's not, I'm probably going to *keep* thinking it's hostile!), or else be explicitly told that people are uncomfortable with me.)
Queer people *would* presumably tend to be more accepting of non-normative sex/gender talk on average, and between that and having everything to do with big swaths of your life and mind get called "oversharing", there's absolutely a temptation to go "alright then, I'll *go* to hell" and embrace the "oversharing" label.
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Date: 7/2/21 16:02 (UTC)I think it might be a response to a different trauma. I feel like in my experience queer people are often told "ew, TMI, nobody wants to hear that" whenever they say anything about their queerness, even when a cishet would have easily gotten away with saying an analogous thing about their own sexuality or gender.
(every once in a while I brush up against a group of straight people discussing whom they find hot, and it's like, holy shit! you guys are, just, casually talking about what you find sexually attractive?! and nobody shuts you down?!?!)
I struggle with this a lot, with distinguishing what *is* oversharing, from what *ought not be considered* oversharing but *will* be by my biased audience, from what my audience is fine with. And of course--making things more difficult--different audiences vary in what they're fine with.
(Neurodivergence makes this *worse* for me, because autism means I generally cannot tell when someone is giving me a Look: the best I can do is be intellectually aware that this is a situation where people are going to Look at me (and I won't know if that intellectual awareness is wrong! if I think an audience is hostile and it's not, I'm probably going to *keep* thinking it's hostile!), or else be explicitly told that people are uncomfortable with me.)
Queer people *would* presumably tend to be more accepting of non-normative sex/gender talk on average, and between that and having everything to do with big swaths of your life and mind get called "oversharing", there's absolutely a temptation to go "alright then, I'll *go* to hell" and embrace the "oversharing" label.