(no subject)

Gotta say the "cringe positivity" movement isn't doing much for me as far as making me more shameless. All it is doing is reminding me that I am, on some ephemeral level, Doing A Bad, which leads to me having to jump through the extra mental hoop of either assigning the Bad as Good instead (which is not good for my mental health), or reminding myself that I am, indeed, Bad (which is even worse for my mental health).

Like people who wanna embrace cringe, more power to them. Sometimes you gotta let yourself be messy, other people have perfection neuroses that look different from mine and digging yourself into a nice comfortable trash can has helped me in the past, but at the moment the kind of positivity that would help me become more shameless is... IDK, value-neutrality? Like, positivity that aims to point to the feeling of cringe as something external to the creative process, something imposed from without or, in the worst case, from within. I wish for positivity that would help reinforce the feeling that when someone goes "you're bad and cringe!" at me, I can once again go "man, who cares? I'm not making you look at my stuff, your eyeballs are the ones doing that."

Anything else and I'm just constructing elaborate rituals around being sincere, which is exactly how I developed extremely debilitating OCD once upon a time.

(no subject)

TomatoAnus: "Speaking from experience, sometimes as a speedrunner, the timeloss is worth it when you do cool shit."

Me: *experiences Indistinct Sympathy Vibrations* oh huh. I wonder what the writing equivalent of that would be