I tend to seek out people who talk about being unlikeable or annoying or "hard to make friends with" for whatever reason, because that's something that resonates with me. Kind of a "I will prove to you that you are loveable so I can prove to myself unloveable people like myself aren't", and believe it or not, I've had good results with it, because turns out most people... aren't unloveable
Yes, I feel this very much and it's becoming a Problem that I have too many "asshole" friends that I keep trying to repair with the power of love and it's very draining but at the same time, if that's what I have the ability to do, why shouldn't I do it?
I've also felt like many of the "friends" (read as: projects) that I invest the most time into aren't properly "grateful," and I always have to remind myself that love languages are a thing, and that oftentimes, the gratitude that I'm expecting just isn't coming to me in the mode that I want it. That, and also that sometimes people don't register that I'm expecting gratitude, because, well... relationships aren't supposed to be that type of transactional and many people don't realize that my acts of kindness are a courtesy rather than my innate, effortless nature. Which leads to a situation where they might end up being like "wait, I never asked for you to be ingenuine and catering to me, if you do that of your own accord, that's your problem, it's not your job to fix my flaws and if you've got a problem with them, I can fix them myself after you simply address them."
Sometimes I shy away from friends when the relationship is too emotionally taxing, whether for good, bad, or meta reasons. Sometimes space is a good way or me to process these kinds of emotions and regain a sense of how much work I was actually doing, and it's a good way for the other person to see just how much I do do, or otherwise whether or not their quality of life actually is any better or worse without me.
no subject
Yes, I feel this very much and it's becoming a Problem that I have too many "asshole" friends that I keep trying to repair with the power of love and it's very draining but at the same time, if that's what I have the ability to do, why shouldn't I do it?
I've also felt like many of the "friends" (read as: projects) that I invest the most time into aren't properly "grateful," and I always have to remind myself that love languages are a thing, and that oftentimes, the gratitude that I'm expecting just isn't coming to me in the mode that I want it. That, and also that sometimes people don't register that I'm expecting gratitude, because, well... relationships aren't supposed to be that type of transactional and many people don't realize that my acts of kindness are a courtesy rather than my innate, effortless nature. Which leads to a situation where they might end up being like "wait, I never asked for you to be ingenuine and catering to me, if you do that of your own accord, that's your problem, it's not your job to fix my flaws and if you've got a problem with them, I can fix them myself after you simply address them."
Sometimes I shy away from friends when the relationship is too emotionally taxing, whether for good, bad, or meta reasons. Sometimes space is a good way or me to process these kinds of emotions and regain a sense of how much work I was actually doing, and it's a good way for the other person to see just how much I do do, or otherwise whether or not their quality of life actually is any better or worse without me.