I am once again wondering about what it's like to be NT

[yvannairie]

It just occurred to me that I'm not Okay with the whole "queer culture/gay-to-gay friendship necessarily contains oversharing as a component of it"

I'm no longer okay with the idea of other queer people or people who share my queer trauma being somehow more reliable and trustworthy with the intimate details of my life.

If I'm oversharing, that is a problem! That is a symptom! I am explicitly doing it against my will as a trauma response to having my feelings invalidated if I don't go into excruciating details on their origins! And I'm starting to wonder if the word "overshare" means something else to most people, because I've also seen people use "overshare" to mean "discuss their emotions and experiences to any degree".

Comments

[yvannairie]

Hi, Idiomie! Yeah, that's possible, I've seen a few people who I generally get a "good with boundaries" vibe from reblog the version of the post that talks about mummified saint body parts or something, that's really what triggered my questioning of whether it's just some specific subculture thing I don't get b/c the other major audience of it seems to be the kind of people that now get a "oh, you're sweet but we should never be friends, that will end badly" response from me now.

There's also been a few posts doing the rounds lately about how a part of unlearning gender essentialism is contending with there being no automatically safe category of people, and I've been generally kind of mulling over the way my past friendships have not worked out b/c of environmental factors but also stuff I can only describe by giving examples of it, like the whole "young queers are pushed into emotional intimacy and weakened boundaries b/c they're just that desperate for support" and the earlier "self-deprecating jokes and jokey suicidal ideation as a conversation starter". And even those things aren't.... comparable, I'm just so genuinely new to being able to verbalise my feelings that I've got a lot of comparisons to make to find out which ones of them stick x'D

I trend towards being a very literal person, and, like, I don't really get the nuances with something like this, but my point wasn't to be an alarmist about jokes like that except in the specific context of "me, and the few people like me who will make these same mistakes, don't really have a good intuitive sense to glean a positive message from this", because I know I've definitely read posts like it and went "oh that's talking about [something I did which I didn't realise was bad for me and my relationships], lol relatable"