I am once again wondering about what it's like to be NT

[yvannairie]

It just occurred to me that I'm not Okay with the whole "queer culture/gay-to-gay friendship necessarily contains oversharing as a component of it"

I'm no longer okay with the idea of other queer people or people who share my queer trauma being somehow more reliable and trustworthy with the intimate details of my life.

If I'm oversharing, that is a problem! That is a symptom! I am explicitly doing it against my will as a trauma response to having my feelings invalidated if I don't go into excruciating details on their origins! And I'm starting to wonder if the word "overshare" means something else to most people, because I've also seen people use "overshare" to mean "discuss their emotions and experiences to any degree".

Comments

[cimorene]

Maybe they were exaggerating to be self-deprecating? But Finnish culture particularly isn't SUPER big on sharing emotions and experiences while sober, in my experience...

[yvannairie]

Yeah, relatedly, the person I think overcorrects into "sorry for oversharing" when they talk about their life is Finnish, and admittedly I don't really know what kind of oversharing the other people who go "haha fifteen minutes into a gay friendship we're already talking about how much we hate our parents" actually mean.

I just find the general implication of "queer friendships have more liberal boundaries" uncomfortable at this point. Probably something to do with me realising how many toxic friendships where it wasn't my fault this time I've been in in the past.

[cimorene]

Subcultures like 'queer culture' are prone to developing weird norms like that, and sometimes unfortunately prone to exerting a lot of social pressure on the unwary and young members of the subculture to conform to them - much like the way purity wank spread in fandom, or many of the problems in sff convention fandom that have come up in scandals over the last ten years or so.